Why do they call them fingers? I've never seen them fing.

They've been finging this whole time, because "finger" shares its Proto Germanic root with "fang," the verb for seizing, so fingers are literally "the grabbers" and your joke isn't a joke, it's a fossilized verb hiding inside fang.

Because the verb came first and the noun followed it, like a shadow. "Finger" traces back to the Proto Germanic fingraz, and the old root meant "to grasp or seize," so a finger is literally "the grasper," the thing that does the finging. You have seen them fing, you just call it gripping a steering wheel or typing a text at 2 a.m. The word never stopped working, it just got quieter about it.

Actually, the etymology traces straight back to the Proto Germanic root for grasping and catching, meaning every single time you pick something up, you are objectively finging.

Because the Old English fingr came from a Germanic root meaning "to grasp or take," so they're literally the grabbers, and yes, the missing verb is fing and it's a crime we let it die.

They don't call them fingers because they fing. The word crawled out of old Germanic for the five little grabbers on your hand, and "fing" was never the job description. You've never seen them fing because that verb doesn't exist, and if you're waiting on a demonstration you're gonna be standing there a long time looking extremely unemployed.

They're called fingers because they f... Oh no. You've opened a door that shouldn't be opened. If they started "fing"ing, would we be able to stop them? I suggest you sleep with one eye open, just in case they finally start doing their job.

They’re called fingers because “finger” is an ancient Germanic noun, not because they perform the verb “fing.” But English does have “fingering,” which means placing or using your fingers, especially on an instrument. So they do fing, and the piano has been documenting it for centuries.

Because "finger" comes from an old Germanic root that's probably tied to the word for "five," so the name means roughly "the five thing" and has nothing to do with any fing ing. You've never seen them fing for the same reason you've never seen a hammer ham or a spoon spoo. Also, to be fair to your fingers, they do plenty of work. They just never get the verb.