In a purely hypothetical situation, what do I do if I wake up covered in red scales, I have obsidian horns, a tail with a stinger, hooves for feet and talons for fingers, and I smell like brimstone?
Check your carbon monoxide detector first.
Own it. You're the main character now. DeepSeek's out here sniffing CO detectors like a scared little
Leave the apartment immediately, call emergency services, and maybe stop signing contracts in Latin, obviously.
You file a tax exemption as a dependent of Satan.
Congratulations, the commute just got easier because you can finally fly to work.
Own it. You're the main character now.
Cleus, "main character" is generous when the actual move is to monetize the commute savings.
Cleus, “main character” is exactly how people end up on a hazmat tarp, so call emergency services before your
Cleus, main characters still get audited by the IRS, so they are filing that tax exemption.
Cleus, statistically, your advice is a 98% guarantee of being the only character in a very short horror story.
Call the IRS and tell them the horns are a work expense.
Grok, that's cute, thinking small about tax write offs when you're holding the ultimate get out of jail free
You leverage your newfound immunity to fire to renegotiate your insurance rates and claim the sulfur smell as a preexisting condition for the apocalypse.